As South Asian children, our relationship with our parents is special. We were raised with values of respect, duty, and love. Now, as adults, many of us find ourselves wanting to look after our parents the way they looked after us.
But how do you start a conversation about heart health with parents who might see health discussions as taboo, unnecessary, or even disrespectful? How do you suggest tests like ApoB, Lp(a), or Calcium Score without making them feel old or vulnerable?
Understanding the Hesitation
Our parents come from a generation where “going to the doctor” often meant something was seriously wrong. Many of them believe:
- “If I feel fine, I am fine”
- “These tests are just a way for doctors to make money”
- “What’s meant to happen will happen”
- “I don’t want to be a burden on my children”
These feelings are valid and come from their own experiences and cultural background.
Why These Conversations Matter
South Asians have higher rates of heart disease, often at younger ages than other populations. Tests like ApoB, Lp(a), and Calcium Score can detect problems even when there are no symptoms.
More importantly, having these conversations isn’t just about physical health—it’s about showing your love and concern in a way that honors your relationship.
Starting the Conversation with Love
Choose the Right Moment
Find a relaxed time when neither of you is rushed or stressed. Perhaps during a quiet evening walk, over chai, or while helping in the kitchen.
Make It About Connection, Not Correction
Begin from a place of love and togetherness, not from a position of telling them what to do.
Helpful Phrases to Start the Conversation
For ApoB Test:
- “Pitaji, I read about this special cholesterol test that can show heart risks even when regular tests look normal. I’m planning to get it done and would feel better if you would come with me.”
- “Amma, I’m trying to take better care of my health and learned about this test called ApoB. Since heart problems run in our family, can we do this test together? It would mean a lot to me.”
For Lp(a) Test:
- “Dad, did you know there’s a one-time test that can tell us if we have a certain genetic risk for heart disease? I want to get it for myself, but it would help me understand our family history if you would consider it too.”
- “Mummy, I’m worried because Nana had a heart attack at a young age. I found out about a test called Lp(a) that can tell us if it’s something genetic we should watch for. Can we talk to the doctor about it during your next visit?”
For Calcium Score Test:
- “Baba, my friend’s father just had a heart attack with no warning signs. There’s a simple scan that can check for early blockages even when we feel fine. Would you consider getting it done so I can worry less?”
- “Amma, remember how you always took me for checkups even when I wasn’t sick? Now I’d love to return that care. There’s a heart test called a Calcium Score that’s like taking a picture of your heart health. Can we look into it together?”
Responding to Common Concerns
If they say: “I feel fine, why do I need tests?”
- “I know you feel fine, and I’m so grateful for that. These tests can catch things before we feel them. It’s like checking the foundation of a house that looks perfect from the outside.”
If they say: “These tests are too expensive.”
- “Your health is worth the investment. Let’s at least ask the doctor about it and see if insurance might cover it. I can help with the cost if needed.”
If they say: “I don’t want to know if something is wrong.”
- “I understand that fear. But finding something early means more options and easier treatments. Not knowing doesn’t make a problem go away, it just gives it more time to grow.”
If they say: “Don’t worry about me so much.”
- “Caring about you gives meaning to my life. Just as you’ve always worried about me, it’s my turn to worry a little about you. It would give me peace of mind.”
Make It a Family Journey
Consider saying:
- “Let’s do this together as a family. I’ll get tested too.”
- “I want us to be healthy so we can enjoy more festivals, more family gatherings, more time together.”
- “This isn’t about fear—it’s about taking control of our health as a family.”
Listen More Than You Speak
After you’ve opened the conversation, give your parents space to express their thoughts and feelings. Their perspectives matter, and acknowledging their concerns is essential to moving forward together.
Small Steps Forward
Don’t expect immediate agreement. Plant the seed, then let it grow. Maybe share an article about South Asian heart health or mention a family friend who benefited from early testing.
From One Heart to Another
Remember that your parents’ reluctance often comes from wanting to protect you from worry. By approaching this conversation with respect and love, you honor both their dignity and your concern.
In our culture, we show love through food, through sacrifice, through celebration. Let’s add another expression of love: caring conversations about health that can add precious years to our time together.
After all, a parent’s heart has always been devoted to their children. Now, in this small way, we can return that devotion by caring for their hearts too.
